Archive for April, 2008

to the believers in gawd and non-believers

April 8, 2008 · Filed under cathratic, love, relationships, religion, sports · Tagged , , ,

okay I usually don’t like to go on some vitriolic rant about religion, faith and beliefs but its high time and I’ve been seen far too many posts in all three of my blogs about this ‘problem’ that everyone seems to have an opinion on lately. but it seems everyone is writing in a very acerbic tone that is piercing my intellectual devotion.

now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to accuse anyone group of being wrong or right of anything. but what really seems to be irritating me lately is the little battle going on between the two groups of ‘faithfuls.’ I’m very laissez-faire when it comes to religion, much like people are in their political views. some people have beliefs that reach on both sides of the aisle that doesn’t make them a Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Realist, Progressive, Nose Picker, whatever. and I really don’t like to be pigeon holed into any subtext or denomination. my parents believe I’m agnostic. so thats fine. so I understand. I sympathize. but I also have a problem with a flood of these so called ‘arguments’ lately.

on the Christian side, it seems many have dedicated themselves to the preaching need to promote ‘Pascal’s Wager.’ if you don’t what it is, here’s a symposia of it. <br> If you believe in God and you’re wrong, you didn’t lose anything. But if you don’t believe in God and you’re wrong then you will go to hell. so don’t be an atheist, its just bad. just be a believer, whether you believe it or not. and you’re mostly doing this as a time spender to past boredom by. but you’ll die eventually. so you might as well skip that part and pick a side.</br> there are many flaws to this. just in the text alone. by basically stating its in your own self interest to believe in God, even if it has no consequence to your life is a bit absurd.

the statement alone is meant to induce a fear and strike a promotion into the rank and file of the Christian faith. but I could deconstruct this even more but Voltaire already did enough of that and if his writings are a bit too dense then try reading Diderot’s arguments against it.

I don’t simply feel the need to follow. but I also believe it to be a fatally flawed logic. by forcing someone into a submission of faith completely disavows the needed tolerance that is often so flowery preach by the more liberal minded of the christian faithful.

when I approached one of these bloggers with my de spinozistic beliefs, they merely discounted me as ‘not of the types they wanted.’ what this meant, I had no idea but I didn’t believe such an orderly reprieve would be condemned so quickly. apparently the very introduction of such thought was considered ‘heretic.’ which lies with my biggest problem with those of preaching faithful of christianity. this closed off belief and lack of open mindedness that has backtracked progressive individual desires and science by a few hundred years is clearly the reason why so many get turned off by it.

we don’t like being told what to do, even more so than someone so arrogant to make it a law. (ie: those that aren’t agaisnt Ghey Marriage). it almost seems like they like to be contrarian to any passing fade that comes their way or might even be considered a ‘challenge’ to their authority on the rule of the land. think about it? who’s really kept back progressive ideals for the last 1,000 years? it certainly hasn’t been atheists. though who knows, if they were the ones kept in power, I’m sure philosophy itself probably wouldn’t be allowed to be in existence. as anyone knows, those people are just as bad at suppression of ideals contrary to their own much like the Christians were to the very harmless idea of the world being round.

and oh lord, will you please stop condemning people? stop acting like you’re some benevolent understanding human being when you can barely stomach anything less than the uniform combination of belief and personality blended into one folded ideal. it borders on fascist narcissism. but thats what you strive for right? one belief under one gawd but only your interpretation right? the interpretation from one of the three books? preferably the second one, yes.

yet the even continued argument by christians that people who don’t follow gawd often follow a life that lacks any moral convictions and are often of the most perilous individuals that walk the earth. trust me, this isn’t the case. when’s the last time you heard of a ‘crazed atheist’ on a rampage? beside the nutcase who wants to get rid of gawd from the pledge of allegiance, even though, if he knew history, which he doesn’t obviously, then he would know it was added to merely separate us from the ‘gawd-less’ communists and its purpose was political. not bc the politicians in washington were meant to convert everyone. to most kids who recite it, its just a word. I didn’t even think about it every morning as a child reciting it at the beginning of class. it was just something we said like a script. it didn’t change my beliefs for the day other than I thought ‘okay only six more hours left.’

oh and now the Atheists. to preface this, for those who are unfamiliar, this isn’t labeled to all atheists as there are many different types (yes, my religious friends…much you don’t like being called protestant when you’re a catholic, there are many types of atheists) from the practical types to the scientific types to the anthropocentric types. its really none of those that I feel are doing anything wrong.

I mean, I agree with the pratical argument of it all. that a belief in gawd is needed for some inspiration or motivation in life isn’t quite what I believe. not that I’m discounting those that are divinely inspired but I just find that gawd has no purpose in my aspirations, ambitions or happiness. nor does if there is a spiritual divine, is it concerned with the fates and actions of human beings.

the ones that irk me are the ones that rant on like Bill O’Reily at a Liberal Dinner Party. the ones that sound very much like a christian preacher with a different script. I mean, seriously, read your writing, listen to your self speak and actually think what you’re doing. are you doing anything different than of the opposite of what you’re fighting? no, you’re not. you claim to think that you are bc you don’t use gawd, fear or threats and that you’re not the close minded one that you’re fighting against. you’re a bit wrong.

and use a better argument, for _________ sakes. I mean. something cleaver, perhaps? instead of using the argument for the existence of evil in the world or metaphysical non-evidence of its existence. if you’re really that concerned about making your point than do it without conversion in your mind. bc its simply what you’re extolling about to the masses you want. you want them to think what you think. otherwise, you wouldn’t be making these claims and presenting this evidence. and trust me, you’ve got a lot of other things you can claim than the weak willed arguments that many of you have already made. trust me, you’re winning about as many points in a race like a greyhound at the Kentucky Derby.

I’ve heard enough criticisms from both sides to make this point perfectly clear. yeah, I like my side of the argument. considered weak by atheists and christians alike bc I can’t fully dedicate myself to their single uniform. bc I refuse to wear their colours. give me a fucking break. and your use of illustrating the bad use of religion for leaders is needless. you can point out the many lunatic religious leaders but remember your belief has spawned some of the most ruthless leaders like Ataturk, Stahlin, Pol Pot and Mao Zedong. so remember, humanity has always leaders of both ’sides’ that were bad. try not too claim the high road that your leaders are reasonable. as there is no such thing in this world that you claim to be apart of and are making better. for leaders have been evil too. such as. oh man.

but in regards to both arguers: the sad part is that all of these people are of the solipsistic variety. editing their arguments with occam’s razor. trying to edit and re-edit their points through cuts and cleaver misuse like a dirty political spindoctor. musing on about how RIGHT they are and how WRONG you must be. for if you don’t believe in their argument, you’re a moron. this is becoming the norm in the very highly chargin I’ve been reading lately from all sides. each one taking a scripts from the others and changing the tone to be far more condescending and prosaic at the same time. but each one is very blasé.

there are civilized ways about going about this and not declaring that civilization is at its nadir bc you’re not following what they (you know who you are) believe in. To many Atheists, its the belief that you can’t prove the physical existence of Gawd or God that is the majority of their arguments. what they don’t get is that people who do believe are not basing their faith on a physical manifestation of Gawd. they simply aren’t. yet stupidly, like some crazed Reverend, they enact an intricate and complicated method of manipulation like their Christian rivals and end up being the very person they are fighting. or presenting the idiotic tablets and youtube videos of some crazed reverend even though their own group is filled with such idiocy. pressing their beliefs and preaching their will onto someone who simply has already made up their mind.

Christians by very definition, the lunatic fringe especially is bad. with their awful guilt trip ridden rhetoric and threats of violent induction by historical nature and by definition are not the peaceful bunch they so claim to be. you know what, no one really knows. there’s no science to prove anything or everything that can be made. a religion of any form is an act of faith and you’re just as blind to believe one person as you are to believe another person. whether you believe in God, Muhammad, Buddha, Richard Dawkins or the Toothfairy, you’re still subscribing yourself to something. you still write something in that little box when you do your census form. you’re still a part of something. whether you like it or not. sure you can argue that I just made a simple argument. that people, everyone, has a belief and ‘worships’ things. while holding something dear doesn’t necessarily constitute worship, it sure is close. unless you got some existential word or idea, if you’re working, you’re obviously worshiping money and power. sure, you can go on that we all do. both sides do this. see? you agree on something. now focus that something more productive. like your fantasy football team or your wife.

so I beg of you, through your own hypocrisy, christians, muslims, jews and atheists, to just shut the fuck up. neither one of is right and neither of you is wrong. I find interests in everything. I’m not saying this to make myself feel superior but the act of an enlightened mind is through keeping it open. by closing yourself off to one argument you understand why others closes themselves off to your arguments. yet quite frankly, when you begin to preach, you begin to make others nauseous, uncomfortable and come off as nothing short of a blow hard who’s desperately trying to spread their gospel to anyone who will listen. many of these people simply have made up their mind. so don’t even bother. preach to the choir and debate amongst yourselves. and keep the name calling to a minimum.

people wonder why there isn’t peace in this world. and you people are at the very core of it. but you know what? the proof of the existence of their argument is their burden alone. and often times when forced to prove these arguments to a skeptic already, they logically hold fast to an argument that doesn’t work and can not survive. therefore, the rationalé is considered flawed by the skeptic. and the circle will go on and on. but that’s just it. why? why do you care so much?

I’ve lately decided to subscribe to the belief of ‘que sera sera’ in meaning that ‘whatever will be, will be.’ does that mean I’m a ‘weak atheist’ bc I’m agnostic, according to my atheist friends? fine. I don’t care. does that mean I subscribe Baruch de Spinoza’s beliefs that things unfold for a reason by association of fate, according to my hardcore christian friends? sure. I don’t care. I’ve got my beliefs. but I don’t think you need to know or you even care. so why care what others believe? you believe what you want.

its your choice, gawd given or not.

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a broken heart that once called love

April 8, 2008 · Filed under sex · Tagged ,

When one is a writer, one must realize that you face an audience of strangers. Esp. when you’re a writer of a blog. you have no realization of whom is reading this, criticizing this or even considering it a musing into their derlicition of travels during their days. But one can come to the realization that if when you decide you know whom that audience is, you can no longer take comfort in writing what you want. 

you know you have a certain formula which you must be considered for. but for the most part, it is universally that whomever is reading this beyond the few that admit to reading it. I know about 100 people that read my blog. this one and the livejournal. I have the third mystery blog but that one is under a fake name so that no one really knows who writes it. except that its an expose of politics and culture and where my criticism are at their most honest feel.

but this comes to my latest point. Spring.

Spring time cometh. its interesting what spring brings to the mind. to many its cleansing of the winter cold, the shedding of the frost. the pessmissism that permeated our thinking and our emotions melts away as the sun stays out longer and our ideals widen. its the beginning of many relationships and also the end of many more. its the time of travel and exploration. its a time of pinics and drinking. holidays become more appreciated and the nites last longer. its simply put, the most entertaining of the times of year. it brings the renewed hope that we all craved for when we shed the last year and made toasts to the new year. knowing that with winter fading, our thoughts will soon be made into the comfort of long blankets for the spring which will soon catch us with a heavy sigh and a heavy heart.

with that comes this. everyone begins looking for a mate for the winter. I can not lie. I am too. after shedding two years of baggage and high endtail claims of not wanting to be involved, the last few months have seemingly made me want to be more engaged with people. more importantly, more engaged with women. I dunno why this is. it could be the alcohol talking to me on a somewhat empty stomach. it could be seeing everyone else around participate in happy, healthy relationships and could be that feeling of being left in the dust. soon, I will be the one alone. As Dave, Molly, Justin, Donald, etc become more involved with their mates, I will have to seek out the company of other singletons, only to see them engaged. it has really got me thinking.

now, I still have my standards. one in particular, has met many of these standards. but I don’t believe the feeling to be mutual. at least our lack of consistent contact would allude to it.

this also got me thinking about sex lately. to me, Sex is a cliché as overrated as a Star Trek flim. There are many things about sex that is often left in the world of fantasy. Sex can be at times, very funny. how do I know this? just this once when you have sex, get a video tape out and record it. and then watch it. and look at yourself in action. you will laugh. guaranteed. I kid you not. count the grunts and sing along to the songs being made from those moans. you will get a kick out of it. 
speaking of funny, the talk during sex can be more comical than an episode of Seinfeld. I only say this bc I’ve encountered some women who are horrible at it. and don’t get me wrong, I don’t have some high number or anything, I’m just saying the ones I’ve heard, well. you get the point, I mean, nobody talks like their in a porno in ‘real’ sex. 

I mean, have you ever said, ‘oh fuck me big boy harder with monster cock’ or have you ever heard, ’suck it, suck it. right on. in your mouth.’ no. at least I haven’t. you know what I hear? ‘have you gone yet?’ or the most common one, ‘ouch, teeth, teeth!!’ and most of the time, I hear ‘oh man, what was that?’ but there are some other very real ones. I’ll omit them for now. but this also goes with this that I had to make very clear to a friend today that, I dunno about women but MEN, yes, the males, THINK during sex. 

I for one do all the time. I get distracted not from the physical act of it all but I do think about baseball, homework, music or other things during sex. does it subtract from the pleasure? nope. most of the time, the time when the women thinks I’m going to the long midnite mile is bc I’m thinking what I would be like running a mile. or something to that effect. and don’t forget, heterosexual sex is all about the opposites and what’s more opposite than my penis? its trying to find your vagina. yes, I wrote both words in one sentence. sometimes, we just need a direction. just like sometimes you need to ask the author of the book about some points. 

which leads to me to believe this also, like the author’s intrepretation to a book, I’ve noticed not all women orgasm the same. some take a very long time. no man can just go plow his way through, get a static vibration, a moan and a chorus of screams and expect the woman will be off. it just isn’t true. the worse part is trying to figure out if they had one or not. some act the same way they did when you entered them as they are when they have one. not that I would want her to announce it. its not a race or anything. but nobody ever announces it anyways. they just have them. moving, heaving. it would be cool to have a manual that describes their heaving. gives me a clue. a lot of times I don’t like having one if she hasn’t had one. just seems selfish. 

and please, no gential euphemisms. unless you’re writing a play or telling me a funny story. it just sounds weird to me to hear you call my penis ‘the magic steak kibab wand’ during sex just like you wouldn’t like to hear me call yours ‘hairy humble pie.’ just think about it. and push the senses.

I love the smell. really? I guess. I mean, the smell of a woman’s hair is very unique to their description. is she like Honey Dew Boba? or is she like Read Meat and Bud? I dunno. but it helps. trust me. the more pleasant to the senses, the better. even a pussyfart is a welcomed addition. 

also, I just wanted to add that sex is a very real thing. people act uninhibited and unafraid, they shed the character they build for themselves during the day time when they are with someone they love at nite. its true. when you jump into that bed, nuzzle at her neck, naked…you don’t care what you look like or what you say? why is that? I wish I knew. but all of our conscience feelings that we carry around like unwanted baggage just burns away. when with that person, we’re excited, hopefuly, never full of any doubt, and never with shame. bc you’re with that person. THAT person. its estacey and deeply emotional. you never know anything better. its bliss, its joy. yes, you’re vulernable and yes, you have some doubts, but thats what makes us human. 

it has emotions that keep us connected and bonded. people wonder why a break up is such a hard thing to deal with. sex. thats it. I say this with a heavy heart full of hope though. no sarcasm or pessissism. none. bc if you want sex without emotion, go watch a porno.

and if you really want to get what I’m getting at, read ‘the song of songs.’ its a delight, it was the one fascinating read I had in a semester of a learning about the history of sex was reading that book. yes, I read Sappho and Aenied and other things but it was the Song of Songs that struck me. its like an instructional manual to the art of sex. but its deeply ingrained emotion is so poetic that one can not but help and wonder what is the deeper bond being felt.

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Persnickety

April 8, 2008 · Filed under crushes · Tagged , , , ,

its easy to state without discourse or affair, that she is. but I’m racked with insecurity as I am, I know, I go for the conclusion that it’ll be just a friendship. mostly bc my sister and other various female friends once told me that most women aren’t coy about their attraction toward someone and are a lot more forward than one may preceive. 

sometimes, the guy just is too dense to know it. with me, I over analyze, a ‘no reply’ to an email or rejection to an invitation is enough to have my hopes dashed and crumbled.

and I retreat from said attraction and block it out of my mind. a no call back from a voicemail will ultimately result in my own self-created humilation and embrassment and I often times retreat from ever acting normal in front of them. though temporarily. I go back to being a friend and the attraction dissipates just as quickly.

its become protocal, verbatim and routine. it happens. 

I assume at most times, I am always pursuing the woman with the heart that is not the easiest to fill. usually it is the one with a hole the size of a pindrop, more often its a puncture that can not be fixed. 

often times, I really don’t know what I want. which happens to be the root of it all. I know that for the past year, I’ve befriend every woman I’ve been attracted to. its become habit and routine. I haven’t done the actual rite of courtship where one asks one out in nearly a year.

but the problem is that whenever I think about the horrors of my last relationships, I almost am afraid that the new girl may have such attributes that drove me away in the first place. so I shutter. and retreat. 

some have criticism about me. offering that I am ‘persnickety’ and often times analytical to point of where my romance becomes paused. well. its true. and that I maybe due to this avoid it bc maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship. but what does one know? I don’t know. 

now, thats not too say I don’t like being single. I do. I like waking up at my own time. I like not having to compromise my autonomy, I don’t like going to farmers markets or antique shopping. but I’m also on the search for more. not bc I want to not be single but I want to see if there is someone out there that makes being single, look boring. 

where exploration turns into an adventure. when the acid thrill of the first kiss, first night, first date, first weekend, first awkward moment become scrapbook memories filling from back of your mind and new pages await to be filled. 

where you find someone who is to you, while being wrapped in the cold of winter, her beauty is like gazing at twilight in summer like acoup de foudre.

prospects? there are a few. my friends seem to believe they all know someone who is my type. co-workers, best friends, friends of friends. I guess I don’t feel the need to go beyond the benefits of these invitations. and one by one, I shall open each envelope, read the contents and evaluate my situation. so here I go. sailing toward El Dorado. 

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